Janitorial Sarfession #12

#12 -- "We have to listen to Rob singing too. Get over it." He's a karaoke all-star. What else do you want from him?

"Sarfessions"

We're going to start a new tradition here. Someone at church recently said we should put real "confessions" up here. Well, I say "we" because this is going to be a facilities thing, not just a me thing. We've already started our list and I wanted to start off by saying we're going to do this once a week, not every day. That's way too much and we're not all that quick. Let's be honest here. Also, we're not going to do quote on quote "confessions" all the time either because as Dave Hall said, "It's not so much a confession, as it is sarcasm." We're way better at the latter than the former. So, keep checking back, and hopefully you can laugh along with us. Coming up tomorrow, "Janitorial Sarfession #12."

New Directions

Typical. It was May 1st since my last entry, and I'll be "that guy" and say how busy I've been and I haven't had time to write, blah blah blah. You know the routine. Besides, does anyone read this that doesn't already know what's going on in my life? If you do read this and have no clue, I apologize. I'm a writer some days. Just not for the past 4 or so months. Between work, school, family, Jen, friends, singing, vacations, etc., this all kind of got lost. Fuel has been going awesome. We've recently been getting alot of new people there which is really exciting for me. I love having that base group, but I'm all about the prospect of new people plugging in. I feel like I've been given a second chance to make people feel welcome, after my not so great first attempt during high school. I wasn't the epitome of openness during my senior high years. This group has gone a long way in changing me and challenging me in ways that I could not have imagined. God is doing some awesome things there. I've also been practicing alot recently with this area of singing. The only other thing in my life that I've ever "practiced" at was baseball. Well, luckily the guy I sing with also played baseball. He said to treat it as such. Keep practicing and you will get better. That's what we've been doing recently. I never knew how much fun it is just to worship. If you've read my story and know my background, then you know as well as I do, that I worship a God who rescues. A God who saves and loves, no matter the circumstances. I worship a God who sent His son so that I may spend eternity with Him. How can I not worship? I don't have the best voice, but I've been given something to draw attention to God's Kingdom. I will try my hardest and my best to do just that. I will see if I can load some of Dave's and my songs on to my page here. Hope to hear from some of you. Hope everyone is doing well. Love you all.

Watching and Waiting

It seems to be what I'm doing recently in my life. I'm watching what's going on, and waiting to see where God is going to take me next. So many things have changed recently that I can't even begin to list them but it seems each day has brought something new to the board. It's exciting, but at the same time I'm scared out of my mind. I realize now that the decisions I made a couple years back, have started to shape how my life is now, just as the decisions I make now, will impact my future. A new ministry is starting at FAC to cater to college age guys and girls and it looks like I will have a decent sized responsibility/position in this group. I'm really really looking forward to this task because I feel it's something I've been wanting to do for a while now. The reason I haven't done it yet though is because it's totally stepping outside of my comfort zone. It's one thing to be with high schoolers, it's a complete different ball game to work with people who are just a few years younger than me. I don't know if I'm ready. I can't say I feel unprepared, but I just don't feel ready. Does that make sense? It's like this. I'm prepared in the area of "life" and the area of "counseling", but I don't know if I'm ready for what God is going to throw my way outside of that. It's like I'm on my toes, before anything has happened. So what else is there for me to do except take the next step? I mean I totally feel like God is calling my name when it comes to this group Fuel, so what's to stress? I feel like I've been standing on the sidelines way too long, and it's time to jump in headfirst. Please pray for us as we prepare to have our first outreach meeting on May 18th at FAC. Please pray for Erik Vagen as he looks to start putting people in certain positions that he has the wisdom to pick those that God has appointed. Pray for me as I start to assemble a team who will greet/interact with those who are new to the church. Lastly, pray for those who are going to come out. Pray that our message will reach them in these years that are so key to the rest of their lives. Thank you to all those who will be taking part in this with us. I'll do my best to keep you up to date. Oh yeah, pray that God will provide me with a totally awesome digital SLR camera. Not really, but I'm trying to be patient about that purchase. Pray for patience. Yeah, that's what I meant to say.

I don't believe in coincidence

I got an e-mail tonight that came at the most ridiculous time. The topic was trust. I think we, or at least I, tend to overlook the verse found in Proverbs 3:5. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." It goes on to say "in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." Back to the first part of that verse. Not only do I overlook that verse, but I think I overlooked a HUGE part of that verse. It's a simple word really, but the meaning of it is so big. The word "all". It doesn't say part. It doesn't say most of. It says, ALL of it. You know how hard that is? I can't trust that my car is going to start every morning, but I don't walk out at 7:45 a.m. and say "Alright car, I'm going to knock your grill out if you don't start." No. I walk out to it, get in it, and start it. Simple as that. I don't question it. Just like I don't question the ground I walk on. Even better yet. I don't question the air I breathe, but I know it's there. So why do we find it so hard to trust God? Easy. We place our trust in people, and they fail us. Therefore we put that same type of faith in God. We're scared because we've been failed so many times. So how do you get past that? Not as easy as figuring out why we don't trust in the first place, that's for sure. I think for me, I had to stop looking at what the world thought. Believe it or not, I think these two things are related for me. I get so caught up in what the world thinks and what the world wants me to do, that I start placing my trust in others to lead me to do what's right. Meanwhile, I shut out that voice in the back of my head saying "I'll still be here when you decide to hear me out." Easier said than done right? Seriously, I know. I still pray every day for God to help me trust. For Him to help me see things that I normally wouldn't see in order to help me realize He has a handle on everything in my life. I struggle. I mess up. I'm the doubter who questions God's move in my life because I don't think it fits. I forget sometimes that He's perfect, and I'm not even close. My prayer today is first and foremost, forgiveness. That God forgives me for my shortcomings. And within that, God forgives me for not completely trusting Him. I know I can trust Him, I just lose sight of that sometimes.

At last....for now

So, if you haven't read up to this point, you may want to go back and read parts 1-5 of my story. It's really just the past 2 years of my life. It feels like it's been forever some days, and other days I can't believe so much has happened in that amount of time. Hopefully this will complete my story and catch everyone up. Here goes...

So, I give this guy Scott a call. He says the position is still open. O.k, check mark for door number one being open. Let's see if God opens the next one. I go in for my interview. It goes well. We discuss the policies for church and decide I need to change some things in my life but otherwise things go really really well. Check mark for the second door. It looks like things are going to move forward. I was really really excited. Scott was awesome. He was really open and easy to talk to which is something I love in someone who is a supervisor/manager. Someone I could see myself having a working relationship with, but if something happened in my life I could go to them with. The other guys that I'd be working with seemed really cool too. I had a really really good feeling about this. During this time, my brother was preparing to leave for Jordan, and my cousin was preparing to move to Virginia to go to medical school so I was really struggling with losing two of my closest guy friends at home. We didn't get to hang out as much as I would have liked, but I loved those guys, and I was having a really hard time thinking about my near future without them. So, here I am, ready to start at this new job, with lots of guys who seemed as though they would be great accountability partners. I couldn't believe how God was fitting these pieces together like this. A job close to home. A job at my home church. Guys to be accountability parters/encouragers with. Involvement at church. So many things were coming together. I felt like my eyes were finally opened to what God wanted for me. I was trying so hard to listen to what He wanted for me and my life. It's tough sometimes, and I don't always get it right, but He's not given up on me once. I feel like that was the major recurring statement He wanted me to hear. "I refuse to leave you. I refuse to let you mess up the plan I have for your life." I'd love to say it's been nothing but ups since I started on this new journey 2 years ago, but it hasn't. I continue to be tested. I continue to fail on my own. But I continue to strive for God's plan for my life. I continue to love everyday I am where I am. God has blessed my life in so many ways. I have so many new friends, so many new loves, and so many renewed loves. He's brought so much joy in to my life through His love for me. I do have a God that loves me and fights for me, even when I'm weak. Thank you to all who have been there for me and have continued to support my walk. You all have touched my life in certain ways and I hope through this story you realize that part you had in God's plan for me. I love you all.

Things start taking a turn...

I'm thinking at this point I need a job. I've got no money, so of course I need a job. I was at a total loss as to what to do though. UPS payed well and sounded good....if by "sounding good" I mean I get to wake up at 3 a.m. and load trucks all day. No thanks. Postal worker? Too many tests and the waiting line to get that job is out the door. I'm seeing a trend here. I like delivering mail. I visited a guy I'd worked with the summer before to see the addition he was putting on his house and as he opened up his door, his eyes lit up. He explained that he had wanted to get a hold of me and asked me how I'd like a $40,000 a year job. Seriously? If job searches only lasted a week and ended like this, forget college. Who needed it? God had completely placed this one in my lap. Now, let me back up a couple days. I'd been at church earlier in the week and had met this guy named Scott who was the facilities supervisor at Fellowship Alliance Chapel. A women introduced us and said there was an opening on facilities. I thought it sounded cool and he told me to give him a call later in the week and he'd set up an interview. So, here I am standing here at this guy's door and FAC Facilities is the last thing on my mind at that point. It's funny how money will attract you and blind you to things. I gladly accepted his offer and after two interviews down in southern New Jersey, I had a job at an architecture/building firm. It was awesome. I got to go from job to job and oversee how the project was going. I did some manual labor which was totally to be expected of the new guy. I ran errands to Home Depot and Lowe's. Etc. Etc. Etc. My favorite part was contacting our builders and suppliers and talking to them. I loved working with people. My first two weeks went great. Then I got my first paycheck. I thought there had been a mistake. I was making about a quarter of what I thought I was supposed to make. In the next couple days, things started coming together to paint me a very clear picture that I was not supposed to be at this company. Finally, my last day there, my friend and I were sitting in the truck at a job and he looked at me and started apologizing. He said he didn't know it was going to be this way and if I wanted to leave he totally understood. He wasn't in charge of this company so he had made an offer that the owner of the company didn't know about. I can't put the blame on anyone but myself. I heard the dollar amount and I was sold without really listening to the rest. So, here I am, down near Cape May sitting in the pickup truck, calling Scott at FAC. Unbelievable.